five years from now

five years ago I was ready to move out of my parents house for good. I was ready to move somewhere new, for my life to start.

four years ago all I wanted was a full time job. I didn't want to think about school anymore. I wanted my career to start. to pay my own bills, to move to a different city.

three years ago all I wanted was someone to love me for who I was. someone who was my best friend. someone I could spend my time with and build a life with. and to feel like I could stop trying so hard.

two years ago all that I wanted was to get out of my tiny apartment downtown and move into a house. I wanted to create a home, somewhere I didn't want to leave and looked forward to returning to.

one year ago all that I wanted was to be engaged, get married, and start my life with the person I love the most.

as I thought about what I wanted to reach for next these hit me. those seeming illusions I thought were taking too long seemed to become my reality overnight. when I really think about it, there's no room left for complaint. because it is so much more than I thought it would be. but sometimes I get so caught up in what is next that I have forgotten each step to get here. I have forgotten to appreciate how each step changed me. I have forgotten how to just sit in gratitude that I am where I am now.

now, I live 4 hours away from mom and dad and the visits are few and far in between. now, I wake up everyday and get ready to spend my day working - and sometimes I miss the carefree mornings where I could decide for myself what the day would look like. now, I have my person -someone far better for me than what I could have come up with - but I could have spent all that time on my character instead of worrying how things would play out. now, we have a home - a space where I can collect things that bring us joy, and a space to keep clean and peaceful - and sometimes all the work gets overwhelming. and now, that engagement has come and gone and here we are - it was the most perfect wedding - but it all went by too fast.

this isn't to say that the other side of what I was reaching for was disappointing - not in the slightest. it's to say that there is a lot to be learned in sitting with the present. in filling my cup fuller where I am right now instead of running to the next. in realizing that this season right now is full of opportunities - and those may never come again. in learning to be grateful for how far I have come, instead of wishing I was further at this point.

because life is not a race. and it is not a matter of who gets what done when. in fact, I would argue that what is far more important is not trying to run ahead. sink your roots down a little deeper where you are today. five years from now, you'll be happy you did.